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"I have this here eleven-year-old daughter who, just last year at the start of middle school, was entrusted with her own cell phone, which she promptly lost like a Happy Meal toy. As punishment she went cell phone–free for as long as I could stand her to, because it turns out that the most agonizing moments in the history of forever are contained in the thirty minutes it takes for your girl to slowly meander the eleven blocks home from her new school every day."

— Hollis Gillespie, Without My Phone, I Might Crack

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"Soon I was able to catch up to my sister and hang on to the tail end of her tank top. From that point I was able to move freely through the crowd, clutching close to me all the things that were really necessary, having been divested of all those that really weren’t."

— Hollis Gillespie, Excess Baggage

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"And now I have this giant bed. It is bigger than my bathroom. It is bigger than my car. It is almost bigger than my bedroom. When I first received it years ago, not knowing that it would be a parting gift, I had plenty of inventive visions on how it would be occupied, because surely it was not given to me so I could sleep in it alone."

— Hollis Gillespie, King-Sized: Room for Everything but Regret

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"Now that I look back, it seems appropriate that my alleged stepfather would croak in a casino. For one, Bill never did anything you’d expect, even though he’d often tell you exactly what to expect. Like how he was going to drop everything and move to Central America, when here he was a successful shop owner in the U.S. after having gone through all the trouble of pilfering my Social Security number in order to open a business account. If he had not gone ahead and died, I might have killed him myself."

— Hollis Gillespie, Back Page: Tapping Out

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"Already I have taught my daughter how to escape from a choke hold, a car trunk, and zip-tie handcuffs. I’ve pointed out to her at least a half dozen ordinary items in our household that could easily be weaponized in the event of a home invasion: “See the spires on that wall clock? They break off in a snap, then go for the eyes!”"

— Hollis Gillespie, Without Flail

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"Until recently I could have claimed I’d gone my entire life without touching a buffalo penis. Not so now. But don’t blame me; a buffalo penis is probably the last thing you’d expect to find at Atlanta’s ritziest restaurant."

— Hollis Gillespie, Well Done

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Bumper Stickers
For our June 2011 neighborhoods package, we asked our readers to propose bumper stickers for their ‘hoods. Here are the most colorful submissions, illustrated. Propose your own in our comments section!

Bumper Stickers

For our June 2011 neighborhoods package, we asked our readers to propose bumper stickers for their ‘hoods. Here are the most colorful submissions, illustrated. Propose your own in our comments section!

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Hilarious Screen Grab of the Day: AJC’s pat-downs